One of the surgeons involved with Seth's surgery stopped by today to check on how his incision was healing. He showed me where the injured part of the spinal cord would be, and explained that what we see now is essentially what will be. Seth still has no feeling below his waist, and the doctor said if there was to be improvement we would see it by now. Still, I insisted on doing another MRI in order to assess the actual damage to the spinal cord. I'm not sure why this is so important to me, but somehow knowing for sure instead of assuming seems the right thing to do. So, this talk today was very discouraging.
I've been at the hospital today learning how to do some of the basic things that must be done to help Seth get through each day. The indignities Seth, and all who are have paralysis like this, must accept as normal everyday living are extremely disturbing to me. He seems to take it all in stride, but how my heart breaks that he has to endure these daily invasions of his body and person. That he must deal with this is extremely discouraging.
My wife had an experience last night that hopefully means something good. Whether she was awake or dreaming, she doesn't know, but she was praying for Seth when suddenly her spine felt like it was on fire. The feeling went up to the midpoint of her back, which is the same location the surgeon pointed to today when he showed me where the injury was located. I am growing weary of "signs" at this stage of drama, but I'll take it. It is encouraging, but my heart is so discouraged that it is hard to hold on to anything hopeful.
Discouragement 2, Encouragement 1/2. Discouragement is closing the gap, but God makes the score heavily in favor of encouragement. Still, discouragement definitely gained some ground today.