Greetings All,
The latest on Seth is that as of this morning, the latest MRI shows no change, which means there is still swelling around the Coccyx, which is as I understand it the lowest part of the spine. More importantly, there is still no feeling in his legs. The doctors have yet to discuss with us anything specific about the present condition of the spine.
So, please keep remembering Seth and praying for him. I know it is different for us, Seth's family. For us the intensity is naturally constant and consuming. But as much as you all can, we appreciate you keeping the prayers for Seth rising like incense before the Father's throne. I know God hears.
For those of you who were sent information about the Caring Bridge, it is now accessible for everyone. There seems to be a problem with the signing in requirements, so when we get that working properly, we will let you all know the password stuff. As of right now, though, you can go to http://www.caringbridge.org/, type in sethandrewjackson, and that will take you to Seth's website. It has just been started, so there isn't much on it right now, but you can leave comments and encouragements for Seth.
Please also pray for me as I travel up to the hospital tomorrow. First of all that God gives me wisdom in talking with Seth as he is now asking when are his legs going to get feeling again. Also, for safety, as on our way home to Cedar Rapids last Sunday we hit a deer (or more accurately the deer hit us). Thank God no one (except for the deer) was hurt and the van is still drivable. Our Windstar just has a more interesting driver's side which looks like someone kept running into it with one of those little "Smart" cars. Oh well, we now have no problem identifying our van from all the other ones in the Walmart parking lot.
Also, please pray for Jackie and I to find some more work. Jackie's employer (a security agency) wasn't happy about her staying longer at the hospital last week, so she was forced to resign Monday when she went back to work. She still has a part time cafeteria job at the Toyota Center here in Cedar Rapids, but obviously she and/or I need to find something to replace the income before serious problems happen financially. (This would be a real good time for a good church to get real interested in me becoming their pastor, or maybe God is telling me it is time to get on with starting a new church. In the present circumstances, the only thing that seems clearly ruled out is returning to mission in Croatia. Oprostite, Hrvatski prijatejli.)
Again, thank you all for your prayers. So many people who we do not even know have let us know they and their circles of friends are praying. What a great big wonderful family of God! While it is in times like ours that this unity of the Holy Spirit is cherished, it is a real unity that exists all the time, everywhere, and forever.
In Christ's Peace,
Will and Jackie Jackson
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Friday, March 27, 2009
My Little Boy
Here I sit typing this blog entry in a contorted attempt to deal with my devastated heart. My ten year old son lies in a hospital bed in the intensive care unit of Gillette Children's hospital because of a very hopeful surgery having gone so terribly wrong. In what was to have been the final installment in a series of surgeries to enable Seth to walk as well as everyone else, instead it looks as though all ability to walk has been robbed from him.
The surgeon has no idea what went wrong. The surgery went perfect, he says. Everything was ideal. Yet, for some totally terrible reason unknown to anyone but God, feeling has not returned to his legs as it should have a few hours after surgery. It is now going on 72 hours without any feeling returning, and the surgeon is now speaking the unspeakable, that we should begin treating this as a permanent condition. Instead of a spinal cord correction, we now are dealing with a spinal cord "injury."
Oh the flood of feelings right now. Do I claim a strong faith that God will intervene and restore feeling to Seth's legs, that the doctors are wrong in their assessments? I've pounded the wall of the shower as my tears ran down with the water, crying out to God, "No! No! No!" Is this denial of the inevitable, or a plea that God hears and answers. A bruised reed God will not break, Isaiah says. What about a bruised ten year boy whose only mistake was to trust that his parents and doctors were doing something good for him?
I am overwhelmed with grief, grief for my son, for my wife, for myself. Yet, do I dare believe the miraculous can happen? I believe God can, but do I dare believe God will actually do something amazing here. Obviously, I desperately want God to give my son feeling in his legs and the ability to walk again. I don't know what to hope for, what to claim in faith for my son. Is what I want something God will honor, or must I again submit to the mystery of God's will? Perhaps the best I can do is humbly submit to what God wants, but at least approach God with open hands ready to receive a desperately desired gift.
I know God will do something marvelous - ultimately! I know that somehow out of this will come great glory for God. Of these things I am sure. But how and in what way I don't know. Right now, all I know is that my little boy is hurt real bad, and that he trusted me for the best when he went into this surgery. Right now, all I know is that I can only cry out to God in anguish, as so many other parents have in similar situations. All those "Bible stories" about fathers and mothers coming to Jesus and crying out to Him to heal their children are so much more than interesting lessons with nuanced meanings in Greek and Aramaic. They are raw human reality slashing through my heart like a double-edged sword. They are the fire of the Holy Spirit searing my innermost soul. I too come to Jesus in sheer desperation and cast myself down at His feet to plead for my son to rise up and walk.
God have mercy. Christ have mercy. God have mercy on my little boy!
The surgeon has no idea what went wrong. The surgery went perfect, he says. Everything was ideal. Yet, for some totally terrible reason unknown to anyone but God, feeling has not returned to his legs as it should have a few hours after surgery. It is now going on 72 hours without any feeling returning, and the surgeon is now speaking the unspeakable, that we should begin treating this as a permanent condition. Instead of a spinal cord correction, we now are dealing with a spinal cord "injury."
Oh the flood of feelings right now. Do I claim a strong faith that God will intervene and restore feeling to Seth's legs, that the doctors are wrong in their assessments? I've pounded the wall of the shower as my tears ran down with the water, crying out to God, "No! No! No!" Is this denial of the inevitable, or a plea that God hears and answers. A bruised reed God will not break, Isaiah says. What about a bruised ten year boy whose only mistake was to trust that his parents and doctors were doing something good for him?
I am overwhelmed with grief, grief for my son, for my wife, for myself. Yet, do I dare believe the miraculous can happen? I believe God can, but do I dare believe God will actually do something amazing here. Obviously, I desperately want God to give my son feeling in his legs and the ability to walk again. I don't know what to hope for, what to claim in faith for my son. Is what I want something God will honor, or must I again submit to the mystery of God's will? Perhaps the best I can do is humbly submit to what God wants, but at least approach God with open hands ready to receive a desperately desired gift.
I know God will do something marvelous - ultimately! I know that somehow out of this will come great glory for God. Of these things I am sure. But how and in what way I don't know. Right now, all I know is that my little boy is hurt real bad, and that he trusted me for the best when he went into this surgery. Right now, all I know is that I can only cry out to God in anguish, as so many other parents have in similar situations. All those "Bible stories" about fathers and mothers coming to Jesus and crying out to Him to heal their children are so much more than interesting lessons with nuanced meanings in Greek and Aramaic. They are raw human reality slashing through my heart like a double-edged sword. They are the fire of the Holy Spirit searing my innermost soul. I too come to Jesus in sheer desperation and cast myself down at His feet to plead for my son to rise up and walk.
God have mercy. Christ have mercy. God have mercy on my little boy!
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
A Ministry Fondly Remembered (And Lessons Learned)
Perhaps this is a sign of aging, but lately I have been recalling some of my more enjoyable times of service as a pastor. A ministry I am especially fond of is the Cortland-Chenango Rural Services, a community self-development organization for the poor residents of a predominantly rural area about 60 miles southeast of Syracuse, New York. This grew out of an outreach initiative of the United Presbyterian Church of Cincinnatus, New York in 1987.
When I came in the spring of 1986 to serve as the pastor of this thriving little church in a breath-taking picturesque Appalachian valley, I was quite unprepared for the abject poverty afflicting so many people in this area. We are not just talking about low income! We’re talking about people with dirt floors in drafty shacks, little knowledge of basic health issues, pervasive tooth decay, undernourished infants, little or no reading ability making it impossible to fill out a job application, and no reliable transportation to get to a job. Most of this population eked out a living by cutting, selling, and using firewood. I even met people in their late 90’s who had never been further than a few miles outside the valley.
I really never had a plan for developing the Cortland-Chenango Rural Services. It was a ministry opportunity that was obvious and demanded my response. I discussed this problem with people in my congregation who knew the area far better than me. They and the local school officials were helpful in developing an understanding of the obstacles involved. I also networked with as many community leaders (both informal and official) as possible. After a year of getting to know the people, area, and culture, I asked several concerned individuals to sponsor a “Business Forum,” to be held as the outreach segment of a renewal week planned at the Presbyterian church. At this gathering I simply focused on the local poverty issues and opened discussion for sharing ideas on what we could do to make life better for the severely impoverished in our valley.
My wife, Jackie, and I were able to add to the discussion our personal relationships and experiences with this population. Most of the local pastors, including me, had some of severely poor in their congregations. In my case, I had become good friends with some of the “backwoods” men, which was significant because these men considered male ministers to be “sissy” and believed church was primarily for women. Jackie knew poor families through going into their homes to help people work on getting their GED and assisting young mothers in the basic care for their babies and young children.
To telescope the process, the “Business Forum” led to a series of community discussions which grew to include all the churches (even the local fundamentalist Baptist church) and community leaders. Ideas were developed for addressing basic parenting needs, educational help, personal skills development, and marketing native crafts. A local funeral director and his wife were able to communicate the exciting possibilities of this ministry opportunity to their regional church leaders, which led to the Roman Catholic Diocese of Binghamton, New York giving us a grant for the first three years of operation. The most significant contribution, however, was the willingness of three sisters of the order of St. Joseph to come live in the valley and develop this ministry to the rural poor, which late 1987 became known as the Cortland-Chenango Rural Services.
The ministry continued to be ecumenical and community-based, with the headquarters located initially in the Catholic church building. Within three years we expanded to two buildings where a number of ministries were offered: family counseling, basic skills development, reading classes, marketing workshops for local products such as maple syrup, crafts, and firewood. A twentyfive acre field was donated, which was divided into parcels for local poor families to grow gardens. It became known as “the field of dreams.”
I led and spearheaded this ministry until the three sisters felt they knew the area well enough, and a strong community board had been formed. Naturally, as pastor of the Presbyterian church I had encouraged people in the congregation to find places of ministry and leadership, which included some working with the Rural Services. The particular issues (which are related) the Presbyterian church became particularly involved with was addictions and families in crisis. We developed a strong AA group (led by members of the church who were just beginning to face their own alcoholism), and our Christian growth small groups typically had a few members who were wrestling with drug addiction. Our announcements in worship included such things as “Brian has been clean from cocaine for three months now” with applause following. The local fundamentalist Baptist pastor even started sending his “troubled” members to the Presbyterian church, telling them “They fix broken people at that church.” Certainly, this remains one of the best compliments to any ministry of which I have been a part.
In the fall of 1987 I was invited to participate in a group advising then Governour Mario Cuomo on rural issues in New York state. While this was a nice honor, and was fun to get free trips to Albany, the closest I ever got to the governour was almost crashing into him when we were leaving one of our “advisory” meetings (where he did 98 percent of the talking).
Not everything I’ve tried to do has come together as nicely, worked as well, and been as long lasting as the Cortland-Chenango Rural Services. Just ask Rev. Michael Romero (now executive pastor at Desert Son Community Church in Tucson, AZ) about our attempt (in Denver, Colorado) to develop “GraceTech,” a ministry to help people have access to low cost training for computer careers. We tried to do too much too soon with too little support (although we still had lots of fun even in failure). However, my basic premises in how to approach any ministry are similar. I seek God’s call to a situation, trust God’s leading, come into the situation being open to the Spirit’s guidance, assess the needs, set my objectives, learn the culture, network like crazy, find and encourage emerging leaders, develop equipping structures to reinforce present ministries and promote the development of new ones.
One thing I have learned both through doing it right sometimes and wrong other times, is to concentrate on two basic resources before attempting or continuing a ministry. The first is to have the core group of people who are called and passionate about the endeavor before them. It is critical to find this group and do adequate preparatory work on the relationships before engaging in the challenges and stresses of developing the ministry, whatever it may be. The second resource comes out of the first, the finances and skills needed to accomplish the goals of the ministry. These are obtained through a number of ways, but primary to their effectiveness is the work of the people who are committed to the ministry. It is their diligence, passion, and risks that inspire others to give to a ministry project, sometimes even inspiring others to give themselves to the project (as God so leads, of course).
When I came in the spring of 1986 to serve as the pastor of this thriving little church in a breath-taking picturesque Appalachian valley, I was quite unprepared for the abject poverty afflicting so many people in this area. We are not just talking about low income! We’re talking about people with dirt floors in drafty shacks, little knowledge of basic health issues, pervasive tooth decay, undernourished infants, little or no reading ability making it impossible to fill out a job application, and no reliable transportation to get to a job. Most of this population eked out a living by cutting, selling, and using firewood. I even met people in their late 90’s who had never been further than a few miles outside the valley.
I really never had a plan for developing the Cortland-Chenango Rural Services. It was a ministry opportunity that was obvious and demanded my response. I discussed this problem with people in my congregation who knew the area far better than me. They and the local school officials were helpful in developing an understanding of the obstacles involved. I also networked with as many community leaders (both informal and official) as possible. After a year of getting to know the people, area, and culture, I asked several concerned individuals to sponsor a “Business Forum,” to be held as the outreach segment of a renewal week planned at the Presbyterian church. At this gathering I simply focused on the local poverty issues and opened discussion for sharing ideas on what we could do to make life better for the severely impoverished in our valley.
My wife, Jackie, and I were able to add to the discussion our personal relationships and experiences with this population. Most of the local pastors, including me, had some of severely poor in their congregations. In my case, I had become good friends with some of the “backwoods” men, which was significant because these men considered male ministers to be “sissy” and believed church was primarily for women. Jackie knew poor families through going into their homes to help people work on getting their GED and assisting young mothers in the basic care for their babies and young children.
To telescope the process, the “Business Forum” led to a series of community discussions which grew to include all the churches (even the local fundamentalist Baptist church) and community leaders. Ideas were developed for addressing basic parenting needs, educational help, personal skills development, and marketing native crafts. A local funeral director and his wife were able to communicate the exciting possibilities of this ministry opportunity to their regional church leaders, which led to the Roman Catholic Diocese of Binghamton, New York giving us a grant for the first three years of operation. The most significant contribution, however, was the willingness of three sisters of the order of St. Joseph to come live in the valley and develop this ministry to the rural poor, which late 1987 became known as the Cortland-Chenango Rural Services.
The ministry continued to be ecumenical and community-based, with the headquarters located initially in the Catholic church building. Within three years we expanded to two buildings where a number of ministries were offered: family counseling, basic skills development, reading classes, marketing workshops for local products such as maple syrup, crafts, and firewood. A twentyfive acre field was donated, which was divided into parcels for local poor families to grow gardens. It became known as “the field of dreams.”
I led and spearheaded this ministry until the three sisters felt they knew the area well enough, and a strong community board had been formed. Naturally, as pastor of the Presbyterian church I had encouraged people in the congregation to find places of ministry and leadership, which included some working with the Rural Services. The particular issues (which are related) the Presbyterian church became particularly involved with was addictions and families in crisis. We developed a strong AA group (led by members of the church who were just beginning to face their own alcoholism), and our Christian growth small groups typically had a few members who were wrestling with drug addiction. Our announcements in worship included such things as “Brian has been clean from cocaine for three months now” with applause following. The local fundamentalist Baptist pastor even started sending his “troubled” members to the Presbyterian church, telling them “They fix broken people at that church.” Certainly, this remains one of the best compliments to any ministry of which I have been a part.
In the fall of 1987 I was invited to participate in a group advising then Governour Mario Cuomo on rural issues in New York state. While this was a nice honor, and was fun to get free trips to Albany, the closest I ever got to the governour was almost crashing into him when we were leaving one of our “advisory” meetings (where he did 98 percent of the talking).
Not everything I’ve tried to do has come together as nicely, worked as well, and been as long lasting as the Cortland-Chenango Rural Services. Just ask Rev. Michael Romero (now executive pastor at Desert Son Community Church in Tucson, AZ) about our attempt (in Denver, Colorado) to develop “GraceTech,” a ministry to help people have access to low cost training for computer careers. We tried to do too much too soon with too little support (although we still had lots of fun even in failure). However, my basic premises in how to approach any ministry are similar. I seek God’s call to a situation, trust God’s leading, come into the situation being open to the Spirit’s guidance, assess the needs, set my objectives, learn the culture, network like crazy, find and encourage emerging leaders, develop equipping structures to reinforce present ministries and promote the development of new ones.
One thing I have learned both through doing it right sometimes and wrong other times, is to concentrate on two basic resources before attempting or continuing a ministry. The first is to have the core group of people who are called and passionate about the endeavor before them. It is critical to find this group and do adequate preparatory work on the relationships before engaging in the challenges and stresses of developing the ministry, whatever it may be. The second resource comes out of the first, the finances and skills needed to accomplish the goals of the ministry. These are obtained through a number of ways, but primary to their effectiveness is the work of the people who are committed to the ministry. It is their diligence, passion, and risks that inspire others to give to a ministry project, sometimes even inspiring others to give themselves to the project (as God so leads, of course).
Thursday, January 8, 2009
A Sister's Heart
(The following is a letter written by my 20 year old daughter, Jennifer, for her 3 year old sister, Leah. It was part of an assignment for a psychology class Jennifer was taking at Biola University. Along with the nice affection expressed by a big sister for her little sister, this touches on the challenge of being a woman in a world that works against God's intention for women. Of course, my daughter is able to express this in a much more authentic way than I ever could.)
Dear beautiful girl,
Dear beautiful girl, If you could only grasp this idea and reality of your beauty, you would never think for a second that you are not enough. What can I say to remind you that you are stunning? That the angels stand in awe and wonder when they see your shining face and hear your priceless laughter? How God has fashioned a reflection of Himself in you that will never be manifested in any other woman in all of time? When I heard the news that you would be born, I could not begin to understand what a miracle it was that God decided to make you.
Who am I to be your sister? Even though the same blood does not run through us, I have a sister's heart for you and I am just beginning to understand the weight of my privilege and honor in having it. I am supposed to know the answers to the questions you will one day ask, and it breaks my heart that you will ever ask them. But I know every woman second guesses her beauty and Satan will scream at her that she is ugly and worthless and the only way to be of worth is to please lustful appetites. I know those days will come, but if I had my way you would never have to hear any of those lies.
Is there any way to preserve your innocence forever? Is there anything I could say that would convince you that you are the most beautiful little girl I have ever known? Will I ever be ready to see you lose your innocence? When you realize that there is a fork in the road-- I can only pray that you take the road of self-assurance and worth. What can I do to make sure that you take that path instead of the other path that leads to a pit of emptiness? We are lured into the pit with promises of wholeness and love, and once we take the bait we find ourselves to have everything but those things.
All we want is what we were made to have, to be. Instead we are too much, not enough, too skinny, too fat, too clingy, too withdrawn, too loud, too quiet, too smart, too ditsy, too intimidating, not spiritual enough. We are never what we should be. All I can do is tell you now and always that you have changed this world with your existence. You will grow and become a woman--the zenith of creation. You can only find your worth and beauty in the One who made you; He is the only one capable enough to tell you who you are. All those other stupid voices, shut them out. Who are they to think they have any idea how much you are worth? If you hear them, and you will, hold your head up high. Walk with dignity and rest assured in what you know, that you are a daughter of the King. Clothe yourself in dignity and love. If you do that, everything else will fall into place. You won't feel the need to expose yourself, since you won't be starved and looking for cheap love.
You already have the very richest of love and it can fill you completely. I still can't believe that I have the honor of helping you walk into this way of living. I hope that I will be a woman who can model this to you when the time comes; I hope I will be ready. I love you.
Your sister,
Jenny
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Year Of The Great Porcelain Flushing Device
I figure it is incumbent upon even an erstwhile blogger such as myself to do at least one more post before this year vanishes. Of course, it is natural to look back at this year and do a few ruminations as to its place in one's overall life experience. For me, while this year has its ups, like growing in Christ, learning to trust God more, enjoying a wonderful family, and deepening friendships, it will be remembered by me primarily for its downs. Thus, the thought expressed in the title. I don't want to be totally negative by saying this was "The Year Of The Crapper," hence my attempt at a positive spin --- "The Year Of The Great Porcelain Flushing Device."
There are two primary steams that have merged to make a mighty flush this year.
The Economic Stream
In June, after having left a cushy job as pastor of a church due to a difference in principles, it finally became clear that God was not as concerned about maintaining my credit score as I was. Or maybe it is better to say that God had a much different agenda in mind than I had. Anyway, in June my wife and I missed our first mortgage payment ever. And that is when I learned that a certain large banking company operates its business using a second grade understanding of math.
We went through this bank's "counseling" service with the assurance that a catchup plan would be offered in order to help us get current again in our mortgage. After working on this for about a month, an official from the bank called to tell us that they had figured out the problem in our finances and they had a plan to fix it. The problem, they announced like a child who has discovered their thumb, is that "You don't have enough money to pay your mortgage." Wow! Was that ever a shocking surprise to my wife and me. And their solution was even more stunning in its insightfulness. "All you need to do is pay your past due amount and that will make you current in your mortgage." Again, to encounter such wisdom is wilting, like coming out of the dark into the bright sun.
Leaving my sarcasm to make a more salient point, I now know firsthand how mortgage companies can be so condescending and unhelpful when you are a customer in financial trouble. Part of the crisis is the inane behaviour of the banks themselves as they actually force people toward foreclosure. As Federal Reserve chair Ben Bernanke has pointed out, if banks would work with their troubled clients rather than simply pressuring them, the banks could recover many of their at-risk mortgages. When people are able to stay in their homes, the mortgages get paid. When they are forced out, everyone gets stuck with the bill.
On the miraculous side, just when we needed more income desperately (as my wife and I had only been able to find short, temporary jobs since our exiting Hus Church), God set in motion a series of extraordinary events which led to us having regular work at the local General Mills cereal factory. Although this was through a temporary job agency, the crew leader at General Mills appreciated our positive attitude and desire to do our work well. This gave us the first substantial income since leaving Hus Church, and was a bridge to the more stable income we have now with my wife and me working so-called "permanent" jobs. We are still struggling to just survive each month (which we will till either I find another ministry position and/or sell our house), but God has been so gracious in giving us at least a stabilized financial situation for the time being.
The Career Stream
I've never really viewed my calling to be a pastor as a career. If I did, I would have never taken the risks I have over the years, like leaving a church that was vital and growing (and wanted me to stay) to explore a call to intentional Christian community, or dragging my family to Croatia to strengthen existing ministries and develop new ones. My willingness to set aside what is prudent career-wise for what I believed God wanted me to do was the key factor in my taking the pastor position at Hus Presbyterian Church.
When I first arrived at Hus Church I found a formality-encrusted congregation with deep rifts of resentment toward one another due to past church crises. During my five plus years of faithful service there were many miraculous changes in its atmosphere and ministry. As I tried to emphasize and practice trust and openness, this congregation that was basically invisible in its own neighborhood became known throughout the Cedar Rapids area as an "old well with fresh new spring water flowing forth." The service became an uplifting experience where the presence of Christ was sensed and the Spirit of God moved in the hearts of many. Many longtime members encountered Christ as their Lord and Saviour for the first time in their lives, and despite some very critical opposition from some who wanted a church with no expectations and a Christ who made no claims, the church made incredible strides toward becoming a biblical, Spirit-led, Gospel-proclaiming, outreaching, missional church. God confirmed our direction by blessing this church with incredible miracles, such as healings, new believers, and a doubling of funding for ministry. However, in my fifth year I was brutally reminded that people who are intent on destruction are ever waiting, ever vigilant, for their opportunities. As it became clear that the detractors were being given influence, and that key leaders were now intent on retreating from the demands of being a missional ministry, I began the work of leaving this ministry and seeking a new one.
After a year and half of seeking a new ministry, it has become clear to me that my career (at least as much of a career as I ever had) is probably in the great bathroom flushing device. I can hardly count the times I've had pastor search committees tell me how much they are attracted to me, but they are reticent to present to their congregation someone who "didn't stick with" their previous ministry. Plus, there has been an undercurrent that I'm becoming more aware of as time goes on, and that is the reluctance of search committees to consider someone of my "age." Apparently, only those who are younger than fifty are considered truly able to be good ministers. When "having to leave" a previous ministry and being over 50 years old are combined, it apparently adds up to "we are attracted to you BUT we really can't consider you." Never mind that I am better equipped now through years of training, experience, and spiritual growth than I ever was in my forties, never mind that I have children younger than most people in their thirties, and never mind that I have at least twenty prime ministry years ahead of me.
Yet, I have seen God's leading in this career wreck. Both my wife and I believe that one reason God sent us to Hus Presbyterian Church was for our own disciplining. (I'm talking about discipline in a positive sense of training, teaching, and perfecting.) Looking back, we now believe that instead of leaving our work in Croatia to come home for the medical needs of our middle son (who has cerebral palsy), we should have stayed and trusted God to provide. Instead of letting God receive the glory by guiding us to answers for our son's needs there, we took matters into our own hands and in effect said through our actions that "God isn't going to provide in this case, so it's up to us." This was after God had performed miracle after miracle in getting us to Croatia and then taking care of us in absolutely incredible ways. So after coming back to the United States, God sent us to a church with an eastern European heritage similar to Croatia. But in this case it was all the negative aspects of eastern European culture without any of the enjoyable positives. And it is not just coincidence that during my last six months at Hus Church I kept hearing several leaders say over and over that "We can't expect any more miracles here at Hus." Shocking words to hear expressed openly, but what my wife and I had in effect said with our actions 6 years earlier. While there are many other reasons with far greater positives for God sending me to Hus Church, disciplining my wife and I was certainly foremost among them.
Then there is the incredible blessing of our two youngest children, who we adopted during our time here in Cedar Rapids. This is definitely one of the "rewards" for our obedience in serving at Hus Church. My wife has always sought to help children, and foster care has been one of the ways for doing this. Our 5 year old son and our 3 year old daughter both came to us through this route, and they are definitely worth all that we have gone and are going through. Since both are African-American, we definitely get some strange looks at the grocery store, not to mention the scolding looks my wife used to get from some of the stodgy people at Hus Church. These two, along with our 10 year old middle son, keep my wife and I motivated to keep on keeping on. With three young children and two others in college, it is so important to stay positive and continue to look forward; seeking God's will and hoping for something better.
This brings me to the end of this blog and the end of the Year of the Great Porcelain Flushing Device. God be praised for this year, and God be praised this year is ending. Now after this cathartic exorcising of the downs of 2008, I am looking forward to new and better things in 2009. Hopefully, this year God will lead me to a new ministry that is exciting, promising, and joyful. For any and all who for whatever reason are still reading at this point, my prayer for you is that 2009 will be an up year for you as you seek to serve God with all your heart, mind, and soul.
In Christ's Peace,
Will
There are two primary steams that have merged to make a mighty flush this year.
The Economic Stream
In June, after having left a cushy job as pastor of a church due to a difference in principles, it finally became clear that God was not as concerned about maintaining my credit score as I was. Or maybe it is better to say that God had a much different agenda in mind than I had. Anyway, in June my wife and I missed our first mortgage payment ever. And that is when I learned that a certain large banking company operates its business using a second grade understanding of math.
We went through this bank's "counseling" service with the assurance that a catchup plan would be offered in order to help us get current again in our mortgage. After working on this for about a month, an official from the bank called to tell us that they had figured out the problem in our finances and they had a plan to fix it. The problem, they announced like a child who has discovered their thumb, is that "You don't have enough money to pay your mortgage." Wow! Was that ever a shocking surprise to my wife and me. And their solution was even more stunning in its insightfulness. "All you need to do is pay your past due amount and that will make you current in your mortgage." Again, to encounter such wisdom is wilting, like coming out of the dark into the bright sun.
Leaving my sarcasm to make a more salient point, I now know firsthand how mortgage companies can be so condescending and unhelpful when you are a customer in financial trouble. Part of the crisis is the inane behaviour of the banks themselves as they actually force people toward foreclosure. As Federal Reserve chair Ben Bernanke has pointed out, if banks would work with their troubled clients rather than simply pressuring them, the banks could recover many of their at-risk mortgages. When people are able to stay in their homes, the mortgages get paid. When they are forced out, everyone gets stuck with the bill.
On the miraculous side, just when we needed more income desperately (as my wife and I had only been able to find short, temporary jobs since our exiting Hus Church), God set in motion a series of extraordinary events which led to us having regular work at the local General Mills cereal factory. Although this was through a temporary job agency, the crew leader at General Mills appreciated our positive attitude and desire to do our work well. This gave us the first substantial income since leaving Hus Church, and was a bridge to the more stable income we have now with my wife and me working so-called "permanent" jobs. We are still struggling to just survive each month (which we will till either I find another ministry position and/or sell our house), but God has been so gracious in giving us at least a stabilized financial situation for the time being.
The Career Stream
I've never really viewed my calling to be a pastor as a career. If I did, I would have never taken the risks I have over the years, like leaving a church that was vital and growing (and wanted me to stay) to explore a call to intentional Christian community, or dragging my family to Croatia to strengthen existing ministries and develop new ones. My willingness to set aside what is prudent career-wise for what I believed God wanted me to do was the key factor in my taking the pastor position at Hus Presbyterian Church.
When I first arrived at Hus Church I found a formality-encrusted congregation with deep rifts of resentment toward one another due to past church crises. During my five plus years of faithful service there were many miraculous changes in its atmosphere and ministry. As I tried to emphasize and practice trust and openness, this congregation that was basically invisible in its own neighborhood became known throughout the Cedar Rapids area as an "old well with fresh new spring water flowing forth." The service became an uplifting experience where the presence of Christ was sensed and the Spirit of God moved in the hearts of many. Many longtime members encountered Christ as their Lord and Saviour for the first time in their lives, and despite some very critical opposition from some who wanted a church with no expectations and a Christ who made no claims, the church made incredible strides toward becoming a biblical, Spirit-led, Gospel-proclaiming, outreaching, missional church. God confirmed our direction by blessing this church with incredible miracles, such as healings, new believers, and a doubling of funding for ministry. However, in my fifth year I was brutally reminded that people who are intent on destruction are ever waiting, ever vigilant, for their opportunities. As it became clear that the detractors were being given influence, and that key leaders were now intent on retreating from the demands of being a missional ministry, I began the work of leaving this ministry and seeking a new one.
After a year and half of seeking a new ministry, it has become clear to me that my career (at least as much of a career as I ever had) is probably in the great bathroom flushing device. I can hardly count the times I've had pastor search committees tell me how much they are attracted to me, but they are reticent to present to their congregation someone who "didn't stick with" their previous ministry. Plus, there has been an undercurrent that I'm becoming more aware of as time goes on, and that is the reluctance of search committees to consider someone of my "age." Apparently, only those who are younger than fifty are considered truly able to be good ministers. When "having to leave" a previous ministry and being over 50 years old are combined, it apparently adds up to "we are attracted to you BUT we really can't consider you." Never mind that I am better equipped now through years of training, experience, and spiritual growth than I ever was in my forties, never mind that I have children younger than most people in their thirties, and never mind that I have at least twenty prime ministry years ahead of me.
Yet, I have seen God's leading in this career wreck. Both my wife and I believe that one reason God sent us to Hus Presbyterian Church was for our own disciplining. (I'm talking about discipline in a positive sense of training, teaching, and perfecting.) Looking back, we now believe that instead of leaving our work in Croatia to come home for the medical needs of our middle son (who has cerebral palsy), we should have stayed and trusted God to provide. Instead of letting God receive the glory by guiding us to answers for our son's needs there, we took matters into our own hands and in effect said through our actions that "God isn't going to provide in this case, so it's up to us." This was after God had performed miracle after miracle in getting us to Croatia and then taking care of us in absolutely incredible ways. So after coming back to the United States, God sent us to a church with an eastern European heritage similar to Croatia. But in this case it was all the negative aspects of eastern European culture without any of the enjoyable positives. And it is not just coincidence that during my last six months at Hus Church I kept hearing several leaders say over and over that "We can't expect any more miracles here at Hus." Shocking words to hear expressed openly, but what my wife and I had in effect said with our actions 6 years earlier. While there are many other reasons with far greater positives for God sending me to Hus Church, disciplining my wife and I was certainly foremost among them.
Then there is the incredible blessing of our two youngest children, who we adopted during our time here in Cedar Rapids. This is definitely one of the "rewards" for our obedience in serving at Hus Church. My wife has always sought to help children, and foster care has been one of the ways for doing this. Our 5 year old son and our 3 year old daughter both came to us through this route, and they are definitely worth all that we have gone and are going through. Since both are African-American, we definitely get some strange looks at the grocery store, not to mention the scolding looks my wife used to get from some of the stodgy people at Hus Church. These two, along with our 10 year old middle son, keep my wife and I motivated to keep on keeping on. With three young children and two others in college, it is so important to stay positive and continue to look forward; seeking God's will and hoping for something better.
This brings me to the end of this blog and the end of the Year of the Great Porcelain Flushing Device. God be praised for this year, and God be praised this year is ending. Now after this cathartic exorcising of the downs of 2008, I am looking forward to new and better things in 2009. Hopefully, this year God will lead me to a new ministry that is exciting, promising, and joyful. For any and all who for whatever reason are still reading at this point, my prayer for you is that 2009 will be an up year for you as you seek to serve God with all your heart, mind, and soul.
In Christ's Peace,
Will
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Leaning Into Hope
Do you ever have those times when all the concerns of family, life, finances, job, friends, schedules, school, appointments, and physical needs seem to pile up on you? If this ever happens to you, how do you feel? Tired, agitated, angry, anxious, and fearful? Most of us have very busy lives, but every now and then, I think most of us also have those moments when we get a good glimpse of all the different concerns we are juggling at the same time, and we wonder how in the world we can keep managing it all!
Lately, those of us in the United States are becoming much more familiar with the meaning of "apocalyptic." With the economic meltdown, the uncertain direction of American political power, and resurgence of the threat of a terrorist attack in this country, we find ourselves able to relate to phrases like "the sun being darkened" and "the moon turning to blood." Whatever can be shaken is being shaken, and Americans who are used to being secure and confident in everything from money to government are being shaken in ways they never imagined to be possible.
Panic in the face of an overwhelming reality is a danger for everyone, and Jesus points out that this can cause us to lose focus on God and what God is doing for us. When we lose this focus, we lose hope. And hope is what makes us able to meet all the challenges in our lives, to face all the difficulties, and to handle all the problems. In speaking to His disciples about the importance of hope in an apocalyptic world, He said: “Be careful, or your hearts will be weighed down with dissipation, drunkenness, and the anxieties of life, and that day will close on you unexpectedly like a trap.” (Luke 21:34)
Now, we don’t think of ourselves as people who are necessarily into “dissipation” or “drunkenness,” but what about the “anxieties of life?” How many of us find ourselves in an all too familiar relationship with these? If we focus on our anxieties without looking at the promises we have in Christ, then our lives can start looking pretty bleak. This is how important hope is! Hope that is real and not just wishful thinking comes through knowing Jesus as our Lord and Saviour. It is trusting Him not only with our problems, but the problems of the entire world. This is what gives us the strength to live above our circumstances rather than under them, and to not be overcome by the “anxieties of life.”
I think of it as “leaning into hope.” I may be weak and tired, but I can lean on God’s promises in Jesus Christ, and they will hold me up. I may feel like quitting and giving in, but God’s promises call me to move forward, so I “lean into” what God has for me in the road ahead. Hope is a vision of the future that gives us strength for the present, and God gives us this vision when we know Jesus, and keep getting to know Him better through prayer and meditation on the Word. As we live our lives in the security and confidence that comes only through knowing Christ, the world can see clearly what Christ can mean for those who follow Him. It is in times like these that Christ followers have a special opportunity to display the life-giving, hope-giving grace of God in ways that are attractive to people who are drowning in the world.
Many studies have shown that people tend to become depressed and “weighed down” more during the Christmas season than any other time of the year. Perhaps that is why so many people tend to increase their “dissipation” and “drunkenness” through partying and excessive shopping. It is an attempt to fill that emptiness of soul that only hope in Christ can fill. I believe the Spirit of God is calling us all to make this Advent and Christmas season truly filled with joy, peace, and love by not relying on our own strength to meet all life’s challenges, but instead to receive the abundant strength of Jesus Christ.
Let’s all “lean into hope.”
Lately, those of us in the United States are becoming much more familiar with the meaning of "apocalyptic." With the economic meltdown, the uncertain direction of American political power, and resurgence of the threat of a terrorist attack in this country, we find ourselves able to relate to phrases like "the sun being darkened" and "the moon turning to blood." Whatever can be shaken is being shaken, and Americans who are used to being secure and confident in everything from money to government are being shaken in ways they never imagined to be possible.
Panic in the face of an overwhelming reality is a danger for everyone, and Jesus points out that this can cause us to lose focus on God and what God is doing for us. When we lose this focus, we lose hope. And hope is what makes us able to meet all the challenges in our lives, to face all the difficulties, and to handle all the problems. In speaking to His disciples about the importance of hope in an apocalyptic world, He said: “Be careful, or your hearts will be weighed down with dissipation, drunkenness, and the anxieties of life, and that day will close on you unexpectedly like a trap.” (Luke 21:34)
Now, we don’t think of ourselves as people who are necessarily into “dissipation” or “drunkenness,” but what about the “anxieties of life?” How many of us find ourselves in an all too familiar relationship with these? If we focus on our anxieties without looking at the promises we have in Christ, then our lives can start looking pretty bleak. This is how important hope is! Hope that is real and not just wishful thinking comes through knowing Jesus as our Lord and Saviour. It is trusting Him not only with our problems, but the problems of the entire world. This is what gives us the strength to live above our circumstances rather than under them, and to not be overcome by the “anxieties of life.”
I think of it as “leaning into hope.” I may be weak and tired, but I can lean on God’s promises in Jesus Christ, and they will hold me up. I may feel like quitting and giving in, but God’s promises call me to move forward, so I “lean into” what God has for me in the road ahead. Hope is a vision of the future that gives us strength for the present, and God gives us this vision when we know Jesus, and keep getting to know Him better through prayer and meditation on the Word. As we live our lives in the security and confidence that comes only through knowing Christ, the world can see clearly what Christ can mean for those who follow Him. It is in times like these that Christ followers have a special opportunity to display the life-giving, hope-giving grace of God in ways that are attractive to people who are drowning in the world.
Many studies have shown that people tend to become depressed and “weighed down” more during the Christmas season than any other time of the year. Perhaps that is why so many people tend to increase their “dissipation” and “drunkenness” through partying and excessive shopping. It is an attempt to fill that emptiness of soul that only hope in Christ can fill. I believe the Spirit of God is calling us all to make this Advent and Christmas season truly filled with joy, peace, and love by not relying on our own strength to meet all life’s challenges, but instead to receive the abundant strength of Jesus Christ.
Let’s all “lean into hope.”
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Recapitulation (with apologies to Irenaeus)
Well, it has been about six months since the Presbyterian Church USA General Assembly. My post-Assembly depression has subsided and I have moved on to a kind of "hopeful indifference." Basically, it seems to me that the best path forward is a combination of what the Presbyterian Global Fellowship and the New Wineskins congregations are doing. That is, each congregation that desires to be faithful to God, the Bible, and the Christian faith must essentially set aside denominational concerns and network directly with other congregations that are evangelical, orthodox, and catholic.
This does not mean ignoring the PCUSA, nor does it mean ceasing to win this denomination back to its call to be faithful to God. But it does mean that when it comes to doing the mission of God in this world, we can no longer view the structures of the PCUSA as allies in this venture. For the most part, our denominational structures are more intent on gate keeping than ever before. Witness the responses of most presbytery officials to those churches seeking to be dismissed to the Evangelical Presbyterian Church. They have been ruthless, heavy-handed, and so bureaucratically minded that they have brought nothing but shame upon all of us in the PCUSA. Plus, since the General Assembly six months ago, it seems the animosity of liberals toward evangelicals has become even more virulent than it has ever been. In my experience, the attitude of the liberals is approaching fascism. There is a desire to squelch all dissent from the liberal agendas by any means, even if the means are hate-filled and vicious.
So, why remain in such a hostile and toxic denominational environment? In a major way, I am saying we should opt out of this environment, but not by leaving the denomination but by becoming focused on mission with other like-minded congregations across the denominational spectrum. In a sense, I am advocating a more authentic connectionalism with the true body of Christ, which is ecumenical without ideology and far beyond the frontiers of mere denominations. This is a spiritually healthy and invigorating (dare I say --- joyful!) working reality with other faithful Christ followers.
So, why not just leave the denomination totally behind and shed ourselves of its dysfunctional restraints and obsolete structures? No, we stay because this is where Satan and evil are assaulting the Christ and His reign. And as Martin Luther so dramatically stated, we are to stand our ground precisely at the point where the devil is most forceful in his attack. This is where we are faithful to Christ, and this is where the Word of God is to be wielded as a sword against evil.
Some may object to my characterisation of those who reject God's Word and wish to worship at the altar of human experience as agents of the devil and evil. To be more precise, I am not saying they are themselves evil or Satan's missionaries, for the evil I see in others is but a reflection of the evil I harbor within myself. However, I will say that many of the liberals of the PCUSA have allowed themselves to descend into the domain of Satan, where in this darkness they are open to the influences and objectives of evil. How else can anyone so blatantly seek the destruction of marriage as instituted by God, be so indifferent to the slaughter of millions in the womb, be so offended when the Gospel is proclaimed to bring non-Christians to faith in Christ, enthusiastically align themselves with despotic purveyors of injustice who exploit vast populations, and discount the Word of God as the final and highest measure for all beliefs and actions.
I seek to be faithful to my vows as a minister in the Presbyterian Church USA. After all, I made these vows before God, not just a presbytery. However, my ultimate allegiance is not to a denomination which is but an artificial construct of human ingenuity. Rather, it is Christ who is my Lord, and it is Christ who is head of the Church, and the Church is the body of Christ as it exist within and through the many denominations and traditions of this historic Christian faith. It is with this Church that I will engage in faith and mission, and it is with this Church that I will worship God for eternity.
This does not mean ignoring the PCUSA, nor does it mean ceasing to win this denomination back to its call to be faithful to God. But it does mean that when it comes to doing the mission of God in this world, we can no longer view the structures of the PCUSA as allies in this venture. For the most part, our denominational structures are more intent on gate keeping than ever before. Witness the responses of most presbytery officials to those churches seeking to be dismissed to the Evangelical Presbyterian Church. They have been ruthless, heavy-handed, and so bureaucratically minded that they have brought nothing but shame upon all of us in the PCUSA. Plus, since the General Assembly six months ago, it seems the animosity of liberals toward evangelicals has become even more virulent than it has ever been. In my experience, the attitude of the liberals is approaching fascism. There is a desire to squelch all dissent from the liberal agendas by any means, even if the means are hate-filled and vicious.
So, why remain in such a hostile and toxic denominational environment? In a major way, I am saying we should opt out of this environment, but not by leaving the denomination but by becoming focused on mission with other like-minded congregations across the denominational spectrum. In a sense, I am advocating a more authentic connectionalism with the true body of Christ, which is ecumenical without ideology and far beyond the frontiers of mere denominations. This is a spiritually healthy and invigorating (dare I say --- joyful!) working reality with other faithful Christ followers.
So, why not just leave the denomination totally behind and shed ourselves of its dysfunctional restraints and obsolete structures? No, we stay because this is where Satan and evil are assaulting the Christ and His reign. And as Martin Luther so dramatically stated, we are to stand our ground precisely at the point where the devil is most forceful in his attack. This is where we are faithful to Christ, and this is where the Word of God is to be wielded as a sword against evil.
Some may object to my characterisation of those who reject God's Word and wish to worship at the altar of human experience as agents of the devil and evil. To be more precise, I am not saying they are themselves evil or Satan's missionaries, for the evil I see in others is but a reflection of the evil I harbor within myself. However, I will say that many of the liberals of the PCUSA have allowed themselves to descend into the domain of Satan, where in this darkness they are open to the influences and objectives of evil. How else can anyone so blatantly seek the destruction of marriage as instituted by God, be so indifferent to the slaughter of millions in the womb, be so offended when the Gospel is proclaimed to bring non-Christians to faith in Christ, enthusiastically align themselves with despotic purveyors of injustice who exploit vast populations, and discount the Word of God as the final and highest measure for all beliefs and actions.
I seek to be faithful to my vows as a minister in the Presbyterian Church USA. After all, I made these vows before God, not just a presbytery. However, my ultimate allegiance is not to a denomination which is but an artificial construct of human ingenuity. Rather, it is Christ who is my Lord, and it is Christ who is head of the Church, and the Church is the body of Christ as it exist within and through the many denominations and traditions of this historic Christian faith. It is with this Church that I will engage in faith and mission, and it is with this Church that I will worship God for eternity.
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