A Fierce Goodness

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart,
O God, you will not despise.
(Psalm 51:17)

I had a rather unexpected experience recently where God impressed upon me how --- shall we say --- "fierce" his goodness is in the midst of overwhelming difficulties.  The occasion was a gathering of pastors and Christian leaders in the city I live in, and it seemed like it was going to be a better-than-average-but-not-necessarily-outstanding meeting.  At least, it felt this way to me until the presiding speaker asked us all to form a circle of chairs and give thanks to God in prayer.  This was all find and good, except he started the prayer time with a prayer about a friend of his who had just lost his 4 year old daughter in a car accident, yet was still declaring the goodness of God in his life.  This triggered in me the deep pain I carry yet manage regarding the paralysis of my 12 year old son, Seth, from a "surgical accident" about a year and a half ago.  I thought about how good God is, but at the same time how hard God is --- hard to understand, hard to follow at times, hard to deal with, hard to accept his ways.  Yet, God's goodness has been incredible in these last few years, as the more broken I've become, the more I've been able to receive and appreciate God's goodness to my family and me.

Sitting in this circle of pastors and leaders, I thought about how many of them had been the instruments of God's goodness in my life, how incredibly supportive and encouraging they had been in the many trials I've faced.  So, I started to pray a prayer of thanksgiving for their presence in my life and for how God has used them to help me.  It was going to be a wonderfully articulate prayer, but three or four words into the prayer, both grief and gratefulness washed over me like a flood.  I could barely speak, and through only great effort I blurted out some tearful exclamation of thanks to God for each of these people who have walked some very dark valleys with me.  I was severely humbled --- and somewhat embarrassed --- but very, very humbled.

This got me to thinking how God has worked in the events of the past few years.  God has brought me to a place where I am willing to acknowledge how weak I am, yet at the same time able to be more confident in God's goodness than ever before.  Like Paul in Colossians, I can say from deep within my soul those paradoxical words, "For when I am weak, then I am strong." (II Corinthians 12:10) 

In the past four years, I resigned from a very difficult head of staff position after trying to lead a church from a conventional member-centered minstry to a missional God-centered ministry.  Then, after having been well esteemed and respected in my denomination and having had a reputation as an excellent minister and consultant who could "turn churches around," I entered a time of being ignored by my denominational peers as irrelevant and ineffective.  I found myself unable to secure gainful employment, leading my family and I in mid-2008 to enter the foreboding world of being behind on our mortgage, garnished with all the humiliations of threatened foreclosure courtesy of our mortgage holder. 

Along with this, the Great Flood of 2008 hit Cedar Rapids, and I saw people's lives and livelihoods literally washed away.  Then my wife and I found work as menial laborers at a local cereal factory, doing the grunt work that the much higher paid employees didn't have to do.   After getting decent but low paying jobs which enabled us to get back on our financial feet, our ten year old son was paralyzed in the aforementioned "surgical accident."  With that devastation, my wife and I entered into a time of great stress on our relationship, and we very much felt the weight of financial, emotional, and spiritual oppression in our lives.

Yet, and this a really giant "yet," in this same time period we have seen the goodness of God in ways far beyond anything we could have ever imagined.  Friends have step forward to encourage us, not only with words, but with deeds of help and kindness.  Pastors have worked together not only to pray for my family and me, but have been present with us in the darkest hours of our trials.  We've seen God work financial miracles to keep us from losing our home and enabling us to provide well for our children.  And God has shown his goodness as both Christians and non-Christian friends have walked with us through our difficulties, and have expressed not just their care, but their love for us. 

While severely humbling, as we have had to open our hearts to receiving people's love rather than just giving it to others, it has revealed to us a view of God that only the hurting and the despairing can see --- a vision of God who makes the words "saviour" and "deliverer" so much more than mere titles we glibly attribute to a God who is so beautifully powerful, yet so fierce in His goodness.  The Psalmist well describes this view and experience in the opening words of Psalm 27.
                           The LORD is my light and my salvation—
                                 whom shall I fear?
                           The LORD is the stronghold of my life—
                                 of whom shall I be afraid?

This is why I choked up when trying to pray a simple prayer of thanksgiving at the meeting mentioned above.  I was surrounded by persons who had helped me out financially, had given me a job when I had to have one or lose my home, had laid hands on and prayed for the healing of my son, had spent hours crying with my wife and me, had given me the Word of God that I needed most at just the right times, had helped raise funds so my paralyzed son could participate in a program to help him walk again, who had helped lead my older son to commit his life to Christ, had helped my wife and I overcome the stress of dealing with tragedy, who had turned our mourning into dancing so many times.  In the face of so many good gifts from the Father of all good gifts, I can only barely speak in awe of the kindness of God and the sheer joy of being part of the loving family of God. 

Ironically, these humbling experiences of the last four years which have made me into a person and minister who is better able to serve a congregation are the very same factors that make me less attractive to a congregation.  In my denomination, pastor search committees look for the pastor who can boast of his or her accomplishments and successes in recent years, who can show the tangible results of a "growing" ministry, who can promise institutional advancement with self-confidence, and who can articulate their command of the latest church growth and management techniques.  It is hard for a typical search committee to find someone attractive who has spent the last four years being humbled by God's goodness, who has suffered tragedy, and who has had to lower themselves to do work that is consider menial in order to survive financially.  After all, not many congregations are going to be impressed with a new pastor being presented to them whose last "ministry" included cleaning toilets and mopping floors, yet is a humble servant of the Lord Jesus Christ, is focused on prayer and who is promising to lead not from strength, but from brokenness!

Still, as difficult and challenging the last four years have been, they have been the years in which I have began to follow Christ in Spirit and Truth.  My ministries before, which appear "successful" and are the kind that search committees find attractive, were really just superficial efforts geared to assuaging my desire for esteem and credibility.  Yes, God worked through me still, but not until my "heart" was made "contrite" and my "spirit broken" could I ever hope to do ministry that God "will not despise." 

I remember one of my seminary professors, Will Willimon, telling me about an experience Thomas Aquinas had shortly before his death, in which he had some kind of vision of God's goodness.  After this happened, he said, "Everything I have done before is just straw."  I think I understand what he was talking about now, as that is how I feel about my "successful" ministries before.  After having descended into the valleys of darkness, I now know in my experience the truth of not fearing harm because I know now (like I've never known before) the comfort of God walking with me --- a God who is fierce in protecting me and at the same time good in nurturing me. (Psalm 23:4)

So, after 29 years of being a minister of the Word and Sacrament, and well into my fifties, I am finally ready to live life and do ministry God's way.  As Paul the Apostle says, "I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." (II Corinthians 12:9b)

I'm Confused (Not Really)!

I'm confused, (but not really)!  In the last few days I have read comments by former Presbyterian Church USA moderator Bruce Reyes-Chow about how Presbyterian "progressives" need to be sensitive to those of us who disagree about homosexuality.  He said in an interview with fellow progressive, Janet Edwards, that "We are all searching for God as our lives unfold. In the midst of our differences, we share a conviction that our relationship is built on God and our faith in Christ. I acknowledge that God is playing a role in the other person’s life.”  I would love for this to be true, that progressives would acknowledge the presence and activity of God in the lives of those with whom they disagree.

This idea of respect for one another despite differing views on how God views the practice of homosexuality is also being expressed by another prominent progressive, Professor Mark Achtemeier.  He is scheduled to do a debate on the issue, and supposedly Professor Achtemeier will be civil and respectful to those who hold to a biblical understanding (which is clearly not supportive of the acceptance of homosexual practice as God's intention for any person).

This is where I become confused (but not really).  Has Bruce Reyes-Chow softened his hardline rejection of conservative and evangelical views, which he slammed a short while ago when he decried "those Biblical literalists who have poisoned our understanding of marriage, sexuality and love." (Of course. the term "literalists" is a perjorative way to describe anyone who believes the Scriptures are the Word of God written, since there really are no true literalists, especially in the Presbyterian Church USA). And there is the gauntlet angrily thrown down by Professor Achtemeier shortly after his eyes were "illuminated" by the liberal light of "inclusion" when he states this about those with whom he disagrees: "...I can no longer close my eyes to the spiritual and psychological damage that flow from this well-intended but tragically misguided teaching."

While I do not doubt the sincerity and veracity of Mr. Reyes-Chow and Prof. Achtemeier, I also do not believe that there is a growing sense among Presbyterian progressives that the evangelical beliefs regarding homosexuality are seriously to be respected and engaged.  I am still convinced that they look down on those who disagree with them, and that they still believe their understanding is superior, justified, and most enlightened intellectually.  I no longer hope or trust that there is any intention on their part to give any credence to any notion that there is anything in the slightest wrong, immoral, or unbiblical about homosexual expression. 

So much for seeking common ground, or participating in any honest dialogue.

Latest Seth Update

Greetings All,

It has been a little while since we have sent you any news on how Seth is doing. First of all, his spirits are still very good, as he tackles every day with hope and optimism. Secondly, the rest of the family is doing fairly well, as each of us seems to be dealing better with what has happened to Seth. We appreciate your thoughts, support, and prayers more than you will ever know.

Seth turned 12 on September 4th, and we had a nice family birthday celebration for him. He is continuing his activities in scouts, and is doing well in school (especially in math).

As far as progress in his physical condition, we are learning that it is a long, long journey marked by small, but significant, victories. Because of God and the exercises, Seth continues to have good muscle tone in his legs. His flexing of his hip and thigh muscles continues to be strong, but he still hasn't been able to move anything on his own, EXCEPT that as of last week he can now move his left leg outward totally unassisted when he is setting on the floor. Though he cannot move it back, it is the first obvious movement we have seen since we began the Project Walk exercise program last November. We are so thankful to see some progress (as I, Will, was becoming a little discouraged). It's not much, but it is also a lot, as this shows that Seth really can recover movement.

Keep praying for Seth and us. We still struggle with keeping a consistent exercise schedule, as doing this at home is a constant battle with school and work schedules. Our funds from the 2CMiracle Account (otherwise known as "The Seth Jackson Fund') are depleted, so if any of you are so able and inclined, contributions would be greatly appreciated (address below). We still have major equipment needs for the exercise program Seth is on. The right equipment will enable us to add important exercises to his workouts, and thus advance his recovery even faster.

Again, thank you all for your support and prayers. And many thanks to God, who "crowns you with love and compassion." (Psalm 103:4)

Blessings,

Will and Jackie Jackson


For giving to "The Seth Jackson Fund," send to:
River of Life Ministries
3801 Blairs Ferry Rd NE
Cedar Rapids, IA 52402
(Phone:319-393-3709)


KEEP THE CELEBRATION GOING!

Don't Fret!

In the past couple of weeks I have been reminded what things really count in life, and how things that seem important are really way down on the "gotta have" list.  For years now I (and others) have been praying for my son, Chris, to develop a real desire and passion to know and follow Christ.  He has always believed Christ and the spiritual dimension of life are important, but he has had difficulty seeing how all this made any real difference in his life, the church, and the world.  He saw the church as mostly people putting on a religious front, and that for most people it didn't seem to matter or make much difference that Christ "...for us and for our salvation, came down from heaven..." (as the Nicene Creed states).

 Well, that all changed about three weeks ago when he encountered a very traumatic situation in one of his closest relationships.  The pain of this event caused him to realise his need for God's help, his powerlessness in the face of tragedy, and that without Christ he cannot truly offer his suffering friends any real help or hope.  He suddenly could see how much God loved him, how empty life is when lived for self alone, and how full life can be when lived as a follower of Jesus.  It is only a short time, I know, but the change in my son is thorough-going and dramatic.  Though the pain of his trauma continues, he has discovered the joy of the Lord as one who is thankful to God for all that is good in his life.  His gratefulness for God and God's goodness keeps him going and growing each day, and he is even sharing this hope with his friends.

 So, for me, while I ache for the pain he is going through, I am extremely glad to have Chris seeking after God in his life.  My heart is full of joy when he says to me, "Let's pray together about this, Dad."  I can very much identify with the verse in the Book of Proverbs that says,
           My son, if your heart is wise,
              then my heart will be glad;
           my inmost being will rejoice
              when your lips speak what is right.

 This gladness in what is happening with Chris was challenged to the limit when I received a message two days ago that, if it had been true, would have meant the end of my service as minister in the PCUSA, and, due to the character damaging nature of the news, could easily have meant the end of my service as a minister anywhere.  It is not appropriate to divulge the content of this message, but as it stood it would have been dealing with heartbreaking betrayal of trusted colleagues, and would have opened up some very demoralizing old wounds from a past disappointment in ministry.  Plus, the blow to my ability to provide for my family at a time when the needs are critical (daughter's college bills, son's paralysis, etc) would have lined us up for great disaster and loss.

 However, despite the dark prospects of what I had been told, I wasn't worried.  I wasn't afraid.  Oh, yes I was shaken, and, yes I was dreading the future implications of the bad news.  Yet it faded in importance compared to the joy of having a son who is seeking the heart of God, who is passionate about Jesus and desires to follow Him faithfully.  A crisis in career and livelihood can never rate above a son whose "heart is wise."

 As I was seeking to verify the accuracy of the gloomy message I had received, God brought to my mind several of the encouraging words of Psalm 37.  The Psalmist describes how easy it is to get upset about the evil that people do, to focus on wrong and to become angry in reaction to what appears to be people's hateful intentions.  Over and over, this scripture says, "Don't fret!"  Don't over react, don't even worry about what people can do to you.  Rather, the Spirit through this scripture urges me to "Trust in the Lord and do good."  I am told to "delight yourself in the Lord," "be still," "wait patiently," and "to commit your way to the Lord."  With these actions God promises to give us "the desires of your heart."  God will "make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun."  All we are asked to do is "don't fret."

 As things turned out, I found out that the very foreboding word I had received was indeed an error.  A mix up in information coupled with an even more twisted misunderstanding of conversations between Presbyterian officials gave birth to a most malicious falsehood about me and about my work as a minister.  If a sincere and thoughtful person in a presbytery far, far away hadn't been willing to call me and let me know what was being said about me in error, who knows how much damage could have been done.  Through his action, the mistake was caught, and the committees and officials involved able to rectify the situation.
 
 The interesting thing for me was that I did trust in the Lord and did commit my way to God in the face of what sounded and seemed like a very ominous threat to my personal and professional welfare.  I was able to do this because my heart is not made glad by my reputation or career accomplishments, but by a son whose "lips speak what is right."  That is what is really important!  That is what is truly worthwhile!  Indeed, as the 39th verse of Psalm 37 clearly declares:
          The salvation of the righteous comes from the Lord;
          He is their stronghold in time of trouble. 

Even More About Brett

In a long ago blog post (More About Brett, July 12, 2007), I wrote about one of the giants amongst today's Presbyterian missionaries, Brett McMichael.  Brett would be the last to use such language to describe himself, but as far as having Christ's heart to serve and a keen capacity for effectiveness in how he serves, few will ever surpass this amazing man.

In the past couple of years, Brett was forced to leave his work with children and hospitals in Croatia.  Years of kidney disease and other ailments were finally becoming too much to overcome, and he returned to the United States.  He was blessed to have finally received a new kidney last year, which has released him from the confines of the dialysis machine and given him new physical resources he hasn't had in years.  So, what does Brett do with his new found energy and freedom?  He heads straight back to Croatia to work with and participate in one of his favorite projects he developed during his years as a missionary there: camps for children dealing with various diseases.  The most recent was a camp for children dealing with cancer, and the post below is just a miniscule glimpse of the joy this man has brought to children and their families over years and years of unsung and unselfish labor in Romania, Croatia, Bosnia, Kosovo, and other such places.

I met Brett amost 10 years ago while I was serving in Croatia, and my wife and I were privileged to have been there to see the birth of these remarkable camps.  His vision and drive for not only these camps, but much of his incredible ministry in transforming how hospitals in Croatia and Bosnia treat children and their families, comes from his own woundedness in how he was mistreated and maligned by medical institutions while growing up in the eastern USA.  His life was gleaned through the intervention of compassionate adults who could see past the slapped-on diagnoses that could have easily destined Brett to a life of dismissive institutionalization. Instead their providential intervention gave him a full and meaningful life.  What could have been a life relegated to loss and bitterness is now one resounding with love and bring hope to many throughout the world.  Through his blessing many more are blessed.

Yes, sometimes giants can walk among us, and yet we don't see them.  Brett is one such giant.  He is a servant to others, so he does not seek the glory for himself, nor does he point to himself.  Nevertheless, when you notice him, and get to know more about him, it becomes clear that here is one of the most extraordiary people alive in the world today, and here is a life whose story is most worth the telling.  So, let me point out to you Brett McMichael, a giant among us.  

Fuzine Camp at ROM

No Greater Joy

In August of 2006, I hugged my daughter, Jennifer, and drove away from the Biola University campus, leaving her to be "on her own" for the first time.  The tears flowed from LA to Las Vegas, as I tried to deal with all the emotions a father has when realizing he is "losing" his little girl to adulthood.  I wondered how she would do in college, how she would handle finances, how she would deal with boyfriends, and how she would do in her relationship with Christ. 

Well, four years and ten months later, I watched her (via computer as I couldn't get time away from my present job) walk across the dais and receive her Bachelor of Arts.  She is now a confident young woman who has grown in wisdom and beauty.  As the diploma was placed in her hands, her many friends, mother, oldest brother, and God-parents cheered with enthusiasm.  

Again, I found myself wiping away the tears.  Thankfully I didn't have to drive anywhere, but this time I wasn't crying because I had "lost" my little girl, but because now my daughter is a devoted servant of the Living God who has a heart for those who are hurt and lost in this world.  This is a great gain for God - and all the rest of us! 

Now I know firsthand the deep sense of satisfaction expressed in the words the Apostle John wrote in his letter to Gaius (III John 1:4), "I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth."  Way to go, Jennifer!

Global Mission And Personal Evangelism: Inseparable Yet Distinct

I was just thinking....

Any congregation that is truly faithful to Christ and biblical in nature will be heavily involved both relationally and financially with global missions. This involvement will flow out of the passion of each member’s heart for their neighbors, family, and friends who have yet to give their lives to Jesus. These two emphases are just different sides of the same coin, as they say. They are irreducibly connected, as indicated in Jesus’ wording in John 3:16.

For God so loved the world
that he gave his one and only Son,
so that whoever believes in him shall not perish
but have eternal life.

In this one well known sentence, God’s mission to the world (τον κοσμον), which was motivated by God’s unconditional love, is realized in each individual’s trust (ο πιστευων) in Jesus as God’s only Son. The Greek word used here, ho pisteuon, is an active participle in the present tense and singular number. This magnifies the emphasis on God’s incredible act of redemption for the world being fulfilled when individuals actively and continually give their trust to Jesus. Therefore, global mission, from God’s perspective, can only be realized in personal evangelism, and personal evangelism is the primary tool of global mission.

This organic intertwining of these two great ends of the church of Jesus Christ is again reiterated by Jesus in His Great Commission, which is quoted in Matthew 28:18-20.

All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me.
Therefore go and make disciples of all nations,
baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit,
and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you.
And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.

In one audacious phrase, Jesus ties our mission to go out into the world with the task of making disciples, which is done one individual at a time. He even gives us a discipling protocol, which consists of baptizing and teaching to obey, again actions reflecting the response of individuals (the “believing ones” cited in John 3:16). However, the actions of baptizing in the name of Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, and teaching people to obey Jesus’ commands place each individual disciple into the communal context of living in God’s kingdom, where Christ’s authority reigns through His people in this world, and His presence is experienced by individual believers in a shared (dare I say “accountable”) life together.

 It is clear by now, given these little exe-snippets of Scripture, that any church that is not geared to both global mission and personal evangelism is a seriously deficient church, and as such cannot claim to be fulfilling God’s will or advancing God’s purposes. These emphases are central to what God is about in this world, and therefore must be reflected in the identity and actions of any truly biblical congregation. In adoration of and obedience to Jesus Christ who has obliterated our sins and made us truly alive, we are impelled to bring this “Good News” of Jesus to our neighbors both nearby and far away.

Anyway, I was just thinking....